english 101

ACM

2005-05-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

Chiari Malformation

I could never imagine being so defective until I was in sixth grade. I had always had sick people in my family with cancer but never any serious defects that had to be operated on. When I was in sixth grade I started getting a throbbing and constant pain in my left forearm. I continued taking trips to the doctor’s years after and I always was sent home with a wrong diagnosis. If anyone were to ask me what I knew about Chiari Malformation back in sixth grade I wouldn’t have been able to give you any information. If I had known the doctors wouldn’t find out what was wrong with me until I was a sophomore in high school I would have started researching the symptoms I was having myself. Turns out after a few MRIs, six years after the first few appointments doctors found what was wrong with me. I had a birth defect that didn’t show symptoms until I was older, Chiari Malformation. Usually the problems caused by Chiari Malformation don’t begin until the individual is older and has at least thirty years under their belt. Not me it began early and over half of the way through my childhood I started having a pain that I would never get to see go away.
Once I was diagnosed I was told I would have to go through a decompressing surgery that took away the pressure that is forced on the brain. During the diagnosis I found out that Chiari Malformation is an overgrowth of the brain stems and that causes extra pressure on the brain and the elongated brain stems clog the top opening of the spinal column. When the spinal column is clogged like that it can’t release the pressure in the spine and the spinal fluid cannot leak out like it normally would. When the spinal column fills up with fluid and will not leak out, the spine will expand and that’s when most the damage is done. As time had gone by with out any help for my health I began getting worse and my pain started to spread up and down my entire arm and then the pain went up the side of my head and my neck and full left shoulder blade. I was just going to school and my regular life full of having pain all day long. Some of the affects I had were blurred vision and stuttering or slurring my words together and being unstable and easily tipped I also had a horrible memory.
After my surgery I thought everything would be happy go lucky and the pain and suffering would be over. Boy was I incorrect, even though the surgery was a positive thing there still are chances that the pain will not go away. I was one of the patients where the pain did not get any better and sometimes felt worse. Although I was fixed from the pressure on my brain and the fluid had leaked out of my spine I was going to spend the rest of my life with the pain I had been dealing with for six years. Too much time had passed and my nerves had been irritated for way too long. I knew I would be the unlucky one to have the surgery and the pain would still be there. I was not even scared to have my operation because all I cared about was losing the pain that had kept up with me for so long. When I got home from the hospital only my close friends had known where I had been and I only had maybe two visitors the entire three weeks I was home in bed. When I got to school after being in bed for so long I was pumped. My head was swollen like a potato and the entire back of my head was shaved but the top part of my hair fell on the buzz cut. The rest of the school year was a blur and the high doses of medication always put me to sleep during class. I was always walking real slowly and all my weight was always rubbed right up against the wall.
Finally two years after my surgery and after all my hair had grown back, I went to the doctors to see if the pain would ever go away and of course it was a positive that I would be taking pain killers everyday, three times a day for the rest of my life. Of course I was mad but I thought I would find someway to ease the pain. Sadly the only thing I could find to make my pain stop was illegal; well not in my eyes but in every conservative and police officers mind in America. Marijuana was my secret to no pain because the medicine I am supposed to take now stopped working a long time ago. I feel crappy if I do not smoke for an entire day and I become real irritable. I do not want to hide how my pain goes away anymore and I would like to find a different way to make my pain go away so I will not get caught for doing illegal activities and go to jail. I want to find different varieties of pain treatment and I would like to research any other surgeries that may be done in case the surgery I went through doesn’t work, like it did in my case. I would like to see if there are any other remedies that can be used to erase the pain better than the Neurontin and Ultram drugs that the doctor prescribed me. For the remainder of my studies I am going to research and find different Websites and support groups that will help benefit me and people with the same problem I have dealt with for too long. There are plenty of information websites out there but not enough support group websites.
When I first began on my search for a reliable website where I could find a variety of information I was not finding any luck. As time went on I found more and more sources by using different search engines and talking to people through some of the more reliable websites. I saved the more developed websites on my first name.last name file. A helpful website I came along was http://www.pressenter.com/~wacma/info.htm representing The World Arnold Chiari Malformation Association Onsite Information. I found it through google and it really had the information I knew down but there was a large guestbook I read with many comments from patients from all over the world. I learned about the affects a car accident can have on someone with Chiari Malformation. In some cases a person who gets in an accident where your head suffers from serious blows the brain tonsils can drive down deeper into your spine. In some cases it can appear after an accident and disappear a few weeks later.
I also learned that going to a chiropractor can be extremely bad for a person with Chiari Malformation. In a case I read about a man who hadn’t been diagnosed with Chiari Malformation and he began getting treatments twice a day everyday for four months because of neck aches. He went to the doctors because he was getting worse instead of better after the chiropractor worked with him. It turned out that getting his neck thrown around so much did not help him at the least because it was just making him worse every time the back doctor worked on him. I personally am glad I read about that because I always wanted to try getting my back worked on but am now glad I did not go through with it. I have read through many different articles and read that getting hit in the back of the head by an abusive significant other or having a great fall can trigger Chiari Malformation. Having it doesn’t mean it has gone into effect yet because you are born with it and it is most the time triggered by a car accident, fall, sport related, or abuse to the neck. The only thing is that last time I knew I never had a real serious accident or fall. I remember talking to the doctor about this because he asked me if I had any serious injuries prior to the occasion and I couldn’t think of anything that came to mind.
During my research I read a lot of success stories but did not realize there were so many unsuccessful stories. Reading through the stories I became interested and started contacting the people who I related to the most and wrote to the ones that taught me the most.
I read about a baby girl named Erin who was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation at 7 months and did have the surgery at 9 months. She showed signs like not being able to balance and couldn’t crawl. She shook when she reached for things and while she sat down. The baby did not cry for more than 2-3 hours at a time and puked up every time she ate. The parents never slept and went through serious depression problems and already had a three year old son who lost all attention on him. Erin did much better after the surgery and five days later she was released from the hospital. Thirty days after the surgery Erin was crawling and not shaking and rolling around and eating more and sleeping for up to 7 hours. It is amazing how much difference a surgery can do.
Another helpful website I found was the Wishes and Rainbows association. It is a Website that tells all sorts of information and has stories good and bad with the different medicines and surgeries. I read through many different guestbook entries and read the information of different fund raising and things you can do as an individual to help out. I would love to throw on a fundraiser seeing I could not donate as much money as I would like.
Since I first started researching this topic I have never found so many helpful websites and informational support groups. I never thought I would get so interested in something I just wanted out of my life. I am glad I got motivated enough to go through with this and find out more and more information. I have found many useful places to go when I want to update on some information and I have talked to more people ever than before with Chiari Malformation and to people with Chiari Malformation in their family. I plan to continue researching the condition and in the future I hope I can help fund raise and fund the research being done for future patients. I know I am going to have this pain for the rest of my life unless something is done. Hopefully I can figure out a way to help because I am not getting any younger!

Bibliography

comparison essay

2005-05-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

Growing up in so many different places has really affected who I have become. I am still crazier than ever but I have grown up a little bit. Living on Swan's Island and moving to Northeast Harbor then transporting to Trenton the off island house has been quite the trip, and now living in the Comfort Inn is quite an interesting place. Maine is not a place I enjoy living in and have always hated but I am sure I will see how good it was for me to suffer in the cold weather and freezing water that bites back in the summer months. It isn't easy growing up for a lot of people so I don't deserve the right to complain, but I am going to tell you what is was like moving around as I grew older and how life has been like riding through a slow train wreck.
Swan's Island was quiet and then I grew up. That's when all the drama started

Freestyle May 3

2005-05-03T13:50:00.000-07:00

I am really ready to drop out of school and live on minimum wage, school gets too hard for me and I can never get help with the things I am troubleed with. I just attempted once again to complete my homework that is due in a half hour but I cannot figure out how to get anything done. When something is suppoed to work I can never get it to and when I need a computer to do homework over the weekend it is always open at the times I am not available because of laundry that needs to get done. I am around most weekends but I can never seem to become the good student I used to be. I know some of the influence is pot but I have not urge to even live life. I would be content sleeping all day because I know whatever I do it is going to be difficult for me just like everything else in life. Sleep and pot seem to be my escape that I enjoy taking quite often.

"We are gathered here today to remember....."

2005-05-03T02:05:00.000-07:00

We are gathered here today to remember and celebrate the life of Nichole Melody Jacobs, Kelly Elizabeth Seavey, Chelsea Ordway, Nick Hamor, Jamie and Stacey Wheaton, Jenna Wyse, Michael Clinton Chernosky, Jonathan Dow and many more people that life has ended for them. I have heard those words over and over again and sometimes I even forget why I am even around. If so many people die every year what's the big loss if I died. Then after I think that I feel bad for being so selfish and wanting to die. I would never kill myself and don't plan on it but sometimes life is too much for someone like me. Life ended for me when I left Swan's Island and that sucks because I never have been really happy. When I lived on Swan's I hated it from as early an age as 5. I always wanted to move to a place where the sun always shined. In sixth grade my arm started hurting and six years later the doc found my flaws. I was sick of my family being so close and sick of living with pain. Once high school began I was happy until spring of 01, That's when my friends started to die. Throughout highschool I would lose a friend per year or more and my arm pain turned into my left side half numb and the other full of pain. I got surgury that stopped it from getting worse but it still continues to hurt from the permanent damage to my nerves. I finally graduate the hellhole of MDI high school and come to EMCC. I was pumped until I realized I am not made for school. Yeah I am coming back but I would rather not, I don't want to stay at home or live near my home I want to move away from maine and try to start over. I lost many of my friends from highschool but only a select few respond to my attempts to hang out. I have made friends this year I never want to lose but it always happens and that depresses me. I think I am just in a complaining mood so you get to read me bitch and moan over things that are silly to fuss about.

Headin' down the hiway, lookin' for adventure

2005-04-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I took a little road trip with my friend Josh. We decided that we would take the trip to Mexico and come back to Bangor in the same night. We took off in my little green car around 11 am but only made it to Union Street because my friend Shannon had called and wanted to smoke with us. So if we did this we would have a comfortable ride down. We were supposed to take Josh's roomate "Smalls" but he never came back from the night before. I guess it was a rough night for a lot of people but I went to sleep early for some reason. After smoking with Shannon we headed south to Mexico and got there in no time... well like two hours later. I thought the road was going to go on forever because we continued to smoke all day and it made the trip seem a little longer. We got to Mexico and stopped at Josh's then I met his mom they call "crazy" and got to stand up for a while so my legs would start working again. After a short visit at Josh's I got the grand tour of Mexico, Peru, and Rumford. It is small but not a bad place. Then the rain started as we headed back north. It was kind of late and got dark quick. Believe it or not I got gas for only 2.05 a gallon! Cheap stuff down there. When we got back to Bangor we decided to go to Bucksport because we wanted to get some more cannibus and visit our friend Chase. We hung out there for maybe a half hour and then headed back to Bangor. Now it was only Saturday night and there was still plenty of time to go out but by the time I was supposed to go out with my friend I was unable to stand I was so tired. So I called it a night for the rest of the weekend and slept. I didn't even go home to do laundry I did that yesterday instead. I headed down the highway and saw adventure but slept on it instead. Overall a good weekend.

Accessory Practice Final

2005-04-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

My most prized accessory would have to be my junky black handbag from Fashion Bug in Ellsworth. I bought it a year ago for maybe five dollars and change. I am not very picky so if I was going to get a bag it was going to be cheap. A small bag that can fit a lot of crap that I don't really need but also fits items that are important to get me through my daily routine with ease. The handle or strap is about two inches wide and is slowly peeling layers of material off the sides of the strap. The design on the outside looks a lot like a letter H that it is repeated all over the outside material. The inside is a smooth black interior but seeing it is an elder it sometimes has old unchewed gum that has melted and sticks to the corners of the bag. All that is just the appearance of the bag wait until you hear the contents.
Van keys, car keys, house key, all on one keychain. Kind of stupid because they clip to one of the straps connecting rings and could get lost easily. Smart of me to get copies of the van and car but the spare key to my house is hiding outside my house in Trenton in a secret hiding spot. It is impossible to drive my van but at least I can still get into it! My car is usually where I keep my bag so it is important that the keys come with me and do not stay on the bag when I lock all the doors.
Next thing you will find in my bag that is a larger item is glow in the dark and has light up buttons. The ring tone changes often but usually its ring starts off quiet but ends with a loud nintendo sounding beat. Cellular phones nowadays are important to have. Sometimes they are no fun because people can reach you at all times(unless there is no phone service). My bag holds onto my cell phone a lot of the time and I usually forget it in my bag. That is a plus most of the time because I absolutely hate talking on the phone. I don't mind using my small glowing phone for emergencies or talking to my family but calling just to chat is a reason I hide from the phone.
The most treasured item in my bag of all would have to be my newest glass pipe from the 4:20 shop or Herbal Tea whatever name people use most. This pipe hides in a thicker plastic zip up bag with tons of little pictures on it. The bag my pipe is in is nothing attractive, it's just me putting a Christmas presant to good use. The bag has an extra pocket that holds a very used paper clip that has black on one end and shines at the other. A paper clip can always be put to use but as a scraper it works best. The pipe has twisting stripes of orange, dark blue, light blue, and black. All the colors twisted together look really cool around the larger than usual bowl peice. The entire inside needs to be scraped because the resin stinks up my entire bag but it usually doesn't attract attention.
I use the pipe the most. I have many friends that enjoy having the glass piece at hand so I can see now what a good investment a pipe can be. I know pot is illegal but I don't understand why that's why the pipe must go in hiding inside its bag. I really love these things that I tote around with me daily even though some things could get me in trouble. I am glad I bought the cheap bag that nobody else has but still seem to like. The items I carry inside this bag are what makes me content, Driving, having my phone for use at any time I please, and using my pipe are all what keeps me happy and content day after day. These items may not make everyone happy but I appreciate what I do have.

Freestyle 4/27

2005-04-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

The pit party.
The pit party turned out real fun last night. I actually got drunk and I never get drunk, but when your cousin leaves her leftover alcohol in your freezer up at school you cannot just leave it in the freezer. I wouldn't want to get kicked out of the dorms of course! So my friends Josh,Jess,Tara,Megan,Christine,Christy,Candy all piled into the soccer mom van with me and Tara drove us out to the pit. When we got there I was pumped to get messed up so I decided to drink my coconut rum straight out of my EMCC water bottle. Then when I walked around the corner and saw the big fire and all the students I was ready for anything. When my friend Adam got there he asked me if I wanted anything else other than alcohol and greenery, I didn't really know what he had so I checked out the situation. Let's just say the wafer I crunched up was not a vitamin c but a pain killer. Man am I ready to go back to bed after class! I stayed up at the party as long as my ride would stay...until twelve. I am so surprised to see myself in class today but I made it. I was up until 3:27 last night because I have an overload of work. I cannot really go to bed when I am done with class but I just maybe will take a cat nap before I finish up my math. I think Business Law can take a hike today and if I get all my math done today I don't have to go to class. I am surprised I am as hungover as I am because I do not usually get very ill feeling. Coconut rum went down smooth but thinking about it makes me want to hurl all over this computer. So the first pit party of the year was a success and tomorrow is tech day, school is getting more exciting by the day!

Prompt 9

2005-04-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

The spider tangled in its shadow prepares to dive down and catch it's prey. An Indian woman begins to feed her baby and hums to her while she begins weaving baskets to contain fruits that she will later on go gather in the jungle. The spider has no mercy on this hard working woman and her small baby girl. All it is thinking is "food!" So as the child is feeding from her mother the spider begins to sink down to the mossy floor of the campsite. As the spider draws near a bird dives through and catches the spider right before it reaches the child. At that same time the Indian woman's husband spears the bird and they eat him for supper. The poison from the spider flows through the birds blood and soon enough the Indian couple are asleep in the clouds, leaving their baby girl alone in the jungle. Funny how fate works out.

Prompt 11

2005-04-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

The pin pricks your skin. You feel nothing.
You wonder why so many people get worked up about getting pricked my needles, they bring nothing but a comforting and thrilling burst to my veins. Why do people care so much about the huge pussing and bleeding scabs that form on my arm after I do it? I see nothing wrong with that, a little antiseptic can clean it right up. And why do people always go and buy new sanitized needles? I don't have that type of money to go buy all new utensils when I need a high. You only can get Aids and hepititis a and b or c and other micellaneous diseases or infections, I mean no big deal! Your going to die anyways so why wait around and wonder when, GIT-ER-DONE! (this is not about me)

Prompt 10

2005-04-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

They say the best things in life are free.
I never agreed with that until I started losing friends left and right like swatted flies. I always wanted soo much money and I still do. Money makes life go by easier and with more comfort, but your friends are really something that matter more. Having a good personality is one of the best things in life...you can make friends and have long lasting relationships if you are not a difficult one to get along with. I have made soo many friends in my eighteen years of being alive. I have lost a good chunk of them to car accidents, drug overdoses and suicide but a lot of my friends have also lived through accidents like those. The relief of knowing a friend is okay and in safe hands is almost the best feeling I know. I worry all the time because many of my friends are their own person and do things their own way and no other way. Like 80% of my friends refuse to buckle up when they are in a moving vehicle and that same 80% of my friend like to put themselves in danger like drinking and driving. It makes me extremely nervous to think i could lose someone in a flash of a a second. I try to never get in arguments or fights so I can keep the best things I have in life...my friends.

freestyle april 20

2005-04-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

I never thought that drugs could take over my friend Nick's life, but before you know it he was putting all the life in him into finding drugs. I never knew how serious his drug addiction was until it was too late. I was a junior in highschool and Nick had been missing. I didn't know if everyone was joking when they started taping up flyers around school. There were signs put up everywhere asking where Nick had disappeared. Then a day or two later I heard the worst news possible. Nick had OD'd on some real bad drugs and they had made him crazy. He was having mood swings and was not mentally stable.
When they found him he was at the bottom of the ocean inside his truck. He was so crazed that he drove right off a cliff at a picnic area in Northeast Harbor. There was a rumor that he called 911 and tried getting help while he was inside his truck. I don't know if that's the truth because i wasn't answering the incoming calls. I cannot imagine the pain and regret he must have been feeling. It was cold still when this all went down so you know he didn't make it. They pulled the truck out of the water and layed Nick to rest.
I sadly have to say I skipped the funeral. I don't think i know why. I have attended too many as it is and I thought maybe if I don't go to the funeral then it didn't happen at all! Wrong answer I only can wish. Losing my good friend Nick was hard but there is a time for everyone to go. Hopefully it will be me next time so I don't have to deal with anyone else being taken from me. I know everyone has there time to go but why does it have to be so early for soo many people?

Process

2005-04-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

Two "goody goody" eighth grade girls who always get their work done with flying colors, you know it's too good to be true. Towards the spring of their last year in middle school the girls were bound to be broken into the world of drugs. No one expected these girls to become pot smokers but it was bound to happen, and the girls were not about to allow any adult to find out their new found love.They were always against smoking anything that would be killing them, but they had heard the feeling was awesome because they would be numb and their eyes would become bloodshot and their eyes would begin to slant. They were not very educated on what marijuana really did but they were determined to find out.
Getting the pot was the first chore but it was not very difficult because one of the girls had an older sister, and that certain older sister had a drugatic criminal fiance. He was sure to hook them up, and he did. He gave the two young girls two fat joints and put them in an altoids mint tin for conveinant hiding. The pot was free to the two girls and it wasn't anything fake. They were not expecting to become any constant smokers but it was bound to happen. The girls were excited to tell their friends that they were the first to smoke pot out of all the kids in their class. They would become the rough bunch, or the troublemaking bunch which they always kind of had been.
Before these girls could get all the credit for being the badassess they had to find somewhere secretive that they could smoke. One girl lived on a main road that had no hidden spots to smoke unless they wanted to smoke on a beach and it was still frozen ground so a wooded area would have been better. The second girl lived down a road that was used mainly by summer residents and there was plenty of family land to hide in. They decided going to the second girls land because the shelter from the trees would keep them warmer. So they ended up going to the dirt pit behind the second girls house.
Walking down into the pit was the most nerve racking thing for the girls but smoking the pinky sized joint was all they needed to chill out, by the time the second one was smoked the girls were really in love with pot. What had they been missing their entire lives? How could something so wonderful be so illegal. If everyone were to smoke marijuana daily the girls believed there would be no war on earth. Lighting up a joint was a great idea in both of their minds. They couldn't believe that the D.A.R.E program had convinced them that drugs were bad, after smoking it how can you go back to smoke free? Never could they expect to be drug free again.
Why are drugs belived to be soo horrible? The girls had found out that their own teacher at school was a pothead himself and he thought nothing wrong of it. He never did it around school but after school hours were packed full of fun joint smoking time. He never knew that the two students had seen him parked down the back road that they all had been smoking down. He was in his car so he didn't think any wandering students would be toking up. Drug free kids are too stressed out and need to begin dedicating their lives to legalizing pot. How could something so wonderful be such a taboo in the community?
The two girls continued smoking pot every weekend until highschool. Then after high school started they went a few days out of the school week and the weekends with pot by their side. They met many different people who were like them and enjoyed a good bud in their spare time. Something horrible was about to happen and neither of them knew it was coming towards them. The sad thing is that some people grow out of smoking pot for many different reasons. One of the girls decided to quit because she reacted differently to it. She was highstrung and paranoid all the time and pot made the situation worse for her. She decided to give up smoking pot and maybe once and a while have a jibba or two but she thought that quitting smoking pot would help her grow up faster but it only made her smoke cigarettes a whole lot more. Pot is more worth smoked by someone who appreciates it. The second girl still smokes pot daily and never wants to change, she goes to school and works. The first girl has definitley settled down with her boyfriend and still continues to live at home on that small island that they both first tried smoking pot on. The cycle ends once you break it yourself.

Freestyle april 11

2005-04-11T08:45:00.000-07:00

Vacation was supposed to be a trip with my roomate...once again she had no money and I had no money. Instead of letting loose this vacation I stayed home and did most my homework,cleaned my house, made dinner, cleaned up after the cats and tried making some gas money to get back to school. I got a lousy twenty dollars so my tank was half full by the time I got to the Comfort Inn. I was home until thursday and stayed in Bangor for the rest of the week. People came and went as they pleased and nothing exciting happened to really talk about. I hung out with my friend Jeff on one of the long boring days I was home. Jeff and I used to be close to best friends and we hung out for over a year at a constant. We were close until the beginning of May of 2003, he had started to hang out with his closer guy friend Clint. We made plans to hang out but never lived up to them. May 23 was a huge and horrible day for Jeff. Jeff was driving back to Southwest harbor down a back road because he had only had his license for a week or two and wanted no one to see him driving with Clint. Driving conditions that day were slick and slippery and Jeff and Clint ended up getting in a car accident. Sadly Jeff was the only one to make it through alive. I didn't get the chance to really talk to Jeff after the accident until the next year. We never talked about the accident because Jeff has to deal with that for the rest of his life and I don't want to remind him of it anymore than he has to. Although we talked at school my senior year we never really said much of importance to eachother. The accident was two years ago this May and I gave Jeff a call this vacation. Surprisingly he wanted to hang out and sounded excited. I picked him up and he and I talked but not about anything into great detail. I didn't want to say anything to upset him. I didn't know what I should say and talked about school and kids I have met here in Bangor. I brought him to Bangor because I had to pick up some clothes and more homework. We ended up going to my friend Emily and Angela's apartment...there the accident came up because my friend Kyle called up and was planning on coming over. Angela told him Jeff Lewis from MDI was there and he said something that confused her. He asked if he was the one in the accident with Clint and told Angela not to repeat it because if it was he didn't want Angela yelling it out. So Angela just said I don't know and looked at Jeff with a puzzled face. After she got off the phone Angela asked Jeff if he was with Clint because that's all Kyle had remembered him as. She had no idea about the situation and I chimed up that it was no big deal and it was the end of the conversation. Angela just said she didn't want Jeff to think Kyle was talking smack about him. We stayed in Bangor until 10:30 but it takes an hour to get back to MDI from Bangor and Jeff had school the next morning. We were quiet most the ride home, I told Jeff to call me later on in the week...he never did. So I ended vacation hoping I didn't piss him off. The question still remains if Jeff is comfortable hanging out with me because I think I felt like a stranger to him. I think this summer I will be trying to rebuild the freindship we had before the end of my junior school year.

freestyle march 25

2005-03-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

My car died. I had the Astro van but its a frame snapped from years of wear and tear rusting. I have to choice to call the junk yard to come pick it up for scraps or for my dad to tow it home and restore it. I have a bad feeling that he will never fix my wonderful van and i will be stuck using my brother's subaru forever. I wish cars did not cost so much money. I am broke and a vehicle is a must for me with school and getting home and then this summer i need a car to get to work. I guess we know how much i need to work this summer.

Contrast Essay

2005-03-25T11:30:00.000-08:00

Two people who are friends but have completely different points of view. Lacey Staples and Jenny Turner, both from Swan's Island and have gone to the same schools up through highschool. There is a small age gap of two years but they don't notice they treat eachother as equals. We have been close friends for about eight years including my cousin Christie who is Jennys age as well. Lacey and I are three months apart in age so we were always close until sixth grade when the other two joined us.
Jenny always is the one who is less careless when it comes to having a good time. Jenny likes to party with all sorts of friends and Lacey likes to hang around Swan's Island and likes it when the traditional four girls party secretly with the hick boys. Jenny doesn't get boyfriends or let boys live her life for her. Lacey has always had a boyfriend or at least has had multiple guys liking her at once. They both have different outlooks on life as well, Lacey likes to stay traditional and close to home and Jenny on the other hand likes to take off and get crazy but wants to be successful in life when Lacey just wants to stay on Swan's Island and work for her father when he needs her.
Have you ever met a 19 year old girl who likes to stay at home or likes to stay in the house most nights. Lacey used to like to party and get herself into trouble but she has learned from her mistakes really early. Jenny is seventeen but is not learning from her mistakes she is getting worse. If she almost dies she decides that it's funny and does it again the next weekend. Lacey always was always almost failing her classes and barely could play basketball. Jenny has straight a's but smokes herself retarted daily afterschool of course.
Lacey has been dating since she was eleven and she always swapped boyfriends with her sister. She has been in more relationships then I will ever in my life and she finally is in her last relationship because she will be spending time with this guy for the rest of her life. He moved from Syracuse New York to Swans Island and lives in a house he rents from Lacey's dad. Jenny has not really had a real boyfriend before but has been wishful all her life. She almost has her first boyfriend now and doubtfully her last.
Lacey graduated highschool early and was going to start a business with her sister. Right now I think they are still waiting to start the idea up. She works for her dad clearing brush up in the Northern part of Swans Island. In the summer she runs her mothers gift shop. She makes a yearly trip to new york to see her boyfriends family. She is very conservative and comfortable living at home with few worries other than Swans Island drama. Jenny is a stoner and likes to try new drugs but she is a Junior in highschool and has had the honor roll since she was in third grade. She is god at whatever she wants to do. I am sure she will continue on with college and will have a successful future. She wants to study fashion and hopes to go to Orono. I know she will grow out of her wild stage sometime but not soon.
These two girls are some of the closest friends I have. I know they are going to be living completely different lives in the next few years. It will be quite fun when we all reunite someday but I know for a fact a few of us will remain traditional and be close to home and the rest of us are going to be out there and have something going on for them across America. Swan's Island will hopefully be a memory but not a permanent home for all four of us. Looks to me like Lacey is staying put but by the looks of it Jenny will be off living life and becoming successful elsewhere.

Week 7 Prompt

2005-03-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

Dump the trash bin on the floor, pull on your rubber gloves, and start hunting for the truth that only your throwaways know...The stench was overwhelming and my eyes began to water. I never knew what I would find but I knew it would be something dead. Nothing alive can smell as bad as the stench crawling through the rooms downstairs. As I pulled the garbage out of the closet in my brother's room I suddenly grabbed a handful of something cold and squishy. The aroma seeped through my nostrils like acid trough steel. I finally had solved the mystery of the stink, it was about a weeks worth of left over food. My intelligent brother decieded to start a compost for science class in his closet under all his leftover papers and toys. Pretty funny seeing he was 18!

Week 4 Prompt

2005-03-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

Photo
Picture: Hayley ME William Hilary sitting on a holiday inn bed in Rhode Island after the Obie Trice, Ludacris, Chingy concert.
I remember all us girls first because the drive was so fun and our stay was the funnest because we met a guy named William, he is Obie Trice's cousin and was on stage. The only problem is the last thing I would want to remember is William's friends. They tried getting my friends and I to do dirrty things with them. The worst thing was that they were all over 25. I was only 16 at the time. ew.

week 5 prompt

2005-03-25T09:42:00.000-08:00

Lost it, Where is it?
It was last night that I saw it last. I think I took way too many shots after that because I cannot remember too clearly what happened to follow. I woke up without my slippers and surrounded by half dressed drunks pigpiled in the center of the floor. I think something went down while I was passed out. I am only thirteen and my first party would have been fun to remember but I think I am glad I don't. I wish I could remember where it is... I have heard some people loose theirs at parties when they are young like me. It is not a pretty sight I have heard, but it would never happen to me...but sometimes I wonder did it? Maybe someday I will figure out where it went but for now I think I will remain clueless.

Week 6 Prompt

2005-03-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

When you arrived, it was nothing like you imagined it to be.

Friendly faces, sunny hot weather, fine sand, cold drinks, good food, something you would expect from a family reunion. Our annual school picnics always happened in June. We would take the entire school to the Fine Sand Beach and spend the entire day there. You needed a permission slip to go in the water but my mom always knew I was a better swimmer than half the school so she wasn't worried of me drowning.
The last week of school was always the funnest because there was zero class work or homework. It was actually exciting to get up and go to school for marching practice. The entire school marched in to their seats during graduation to make it a little longer because of how small our school consisted of.
My class started in Kindergarten with maybe 12 kids and we graduated with five. Half the families around Swan's Island were smart enough to move off the Island to find better paying jobs. If you were not a lobsterman then you really didn't have many options for a job.
The funnest day for the third graders was, Third grade invite day. All the surrounding schools brought their third graders out to Swan's Island, then the Swan's Island class would become hosts and hostess'. I remember many kids asked me where the mall was and asked how many stores there were to shop in. All I could do was laugh, some kids thought there was no electricity even when they went in our school and saw the lights on and felt the air conditioning. The Island was not what was expected from these kids. It is fun to feel more intelligent then the kids who were the same age but 50% more stupid. The island was different to them and nothing was what they expected.

Prompt 3/23

2005-03-23T08:42:00.000-08:00

The Fist Has Got Pow-Pow-Power!
The blood rushes to her face while steam rushes out her ears like a tea kettle. This is the last straw you can tell by looking in herhuge black eyes, she is ready to kill. It is not everyday that some air headed blonde announces around school that she is happy your best friend died and deserves what she got. That made everyone in school pissed off, I think that's why the teachers allowed themselves a few extra minutes for lunch. Now with most the available teachers gone in the teacher's lounge she can finally attack.
The blonde walks by looking proud with her nose high in the air, she looks down at the steaming tea kettle and smirks. Pissed off, the last straw has been drawn. I looked over to see a whirlwind of hair and claws. Next thing you know there is a full wall of students around these girls while the punches are being thrown. Angry punches are the best to throw because anger pumps up the power of a punch. After the punches start getting old everyone cheers on the act of the blonde getting her head slammed off the lunch table while her ponytail serves as a handle for better grip.
I think it was after the teachers heard the blonde's head smashing off the table multiple times that they ran to the scene to try and break it up. Sadly the blondes head was only smashed off the wall one time but she got a beating from the table and through plenty of punches. You still wonder what happened next? About four more fights occured with the blonde so she got a guidance counselor to walk her to her classes until she moved back to Florida. Distance still doesn't hide the hate many people had or still has for this girl. Watch what you say at Mount Desert Island High School, you may never know what's coming to you. It usually ends up in trouble whatever you say, so expect a few fights if you ever stop by.

how classification went

2005-03-23T08:06:00.000-08:00

I was stumped before I wrote my classification essay. I never know where to start off when I am given an assignment but I looked up examples on your web page. It kind of helped but I still could have accomplished finishing this assignment with a stronger subject. I am pretty moody so I could go into detail with that subject. The assignment was not too difficult and I got the job done for now.

Classification essay

2005-03-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

I have three distinct different moods, there are many more but only three continue at a constant. I once thought I was bi polar because of this but my mother thinks it is just the medication I have to feed myself three times a day. If I am around a lot of people I notice my mood change a mood a lot more than I would if I were alone. I am either happy, tired and droopy or really annoyed. It all depends on different situations sometimes but other times I don't know why I act with such intense moods.
I used to be happy all the time back in middle school, but once highschool started and on, it has not been something I am everyday. When I am overtired it is another story because I get laughing like a hyena and I can't control what I am laughing at or how long it goes on. Like the time I got in a room with two of the girls from the comfort inn, Meghana and my roomate Hilary. I somehow brought up the Geek squad buggy from Best Buy, only at the time I didn't know it was for the store I thought it was some car made specially for a fraternity or sorority. I never had seen it at Best Buy only on State street and I thought it said Greek Squad on the side. When I told that to my friends they burst out laughing and we didnt stop for about ten minutes straight. My face turned red from laughing so much and it took a minute to catch my breath even my body wouldn't stop shaking from jolting and giggling. I get sarcastic and make mean stabs at people or myself so I can laugh at my own jokes. I have to otherwise no one would laugh, besides the "Greek Squad" incident. I can only see the cartoon hyenas from the Lion King shaking and rolling around when I look back on how we acted.
That's not the only way I act because after the laughing I am sure to be really tired. I take naps a lot because I am happiest asleep. If I don't nap and I am awake, I tend to slow down and move in slow motion like a snail. I am awake but I don't move so quick. My reflexes are bad anyways so when the rest of my body slows down I am extremly slow. When I get to a flight of stairs, even if it's small I can never make it up at a steady pace. It's like I cannot produce enough slime to keep going like snails tend to do. I have such a cloudy head I can't think fast enough to lift each leg at a steady and constant speed. I don't have a doubt in my mind that I never am fully rested and when it catches up to me I cannot concentrate on anything but the picture of my pillow sitting so nicely on my bed. Like right now, I am so exhausted from last night because I didn't sleep as much as i would have liked to. I took a nap yesterday but I went to a party and tired myself out. All I can think is how nice my head would look sleeping on that pillow. My body hurts and I feel like I am tugging around a huge shell on my back.
When certain people are around when I am short tempered I act like a racoon with rabies. I snap and make mean comments about every move and sound they make. It's almost like I am biting back at everything anyone says to me. When my friend Chris used to live at the comfort inn he used to always talk to me and when I was in a bad mood I would snap at him and avoid him and get super annoyed by anything he said. It is not just like that with him because now that he is gone it is my roomate who I snap at now. She never used to whine but now that she has been hanging out with this girl she developed an identical voice, which is whiny and ditzy. Yesterday when she had a simple question for me she put in several "Oh my God's" and I had to say something...so I mimiced her. When people try helping me when I am in this condition it is not a pretty sight. I might as well be foaming at the mouth because my moods can be contageous. I made my roomate a sour apple because she is so used to hearing me bitch and complain. I have not been in any huge temper tantrums lately so hopefully I will be neutral for a while.
I am sure I am not the only one with a questionable additude because everyone has different moods. It might only be a mix of medication and not enough sleep as a result of my personality classification. Clearly I stand out when I am acting like a heyena, snail or rabid raccoon. I stay pretty quiet most the time but when people get me irritated I have a little trouble staying calm. What I have described today is the most reoccuring moods that I have slight trouble keeping under wraps. It is nothing I can control so I guess everyone who chooses to be around me is going to have to deal with my issues in some way or another.

I search first draft

2005-03-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

I have chiari malformation. In sixth grade I started showing symptoms of this condition but no one could figure out what was wrong with me.I never knew I had the birth defect until I was in my second year of highschool. I went through tons of doctors appointments and a variety of MRI's and CT scans. After sending my results to a Portland hospital, doctor Wilson was assigned to helping me out. He is a surgeon and a damn good one. It was in the early spring of my sophomore year and I went through with the operation to correct my birth defect. To operate the doctor had to perform brain surgury on me. A year following my surgury I had to go through a follow up appointment. Doctor Wilson then figured out that he had fixed what was wrong but the wait of six years after symptoms began did a lot of permanent damage on my nerves. It has been three years since I went through with my surgury and I continue to have chronic pain in my left arm,wrist,hand,shoulder blade and neck. I take medicine three times a day everyday and I hope to someday figure a way to skip on the medicine.
When my doctor told me I had Chiari Malformation I thought I was a mutant. I had no idea what to think would happen to me. So I let the doctor continue explaining himself. Chiari Malformation is a condition where my brain stems were too long since birth. When your brain stems are too long they usually clog your spine's opening which stops spinal fluid from draining out. Well sixteen years of spinal fluid filling my spinal column did a number on my nerves. When your spine fills with fluid it begins to expand. My spine was expanding so much that it pinched and broke nerves to the left side of me, that is where the symptoms began. To correct my defect I had to allow the doctors to cut in the back of my neck and operate on the opening of my spine. After cutting me open the doctors had to create an opening for the spinal fluid to leak back out. To make this pocket opening I was told that Dr. Wilson took a 2" by 2" flap of calf heart and created the pocket. I guess the shell of the heart is thin and leathery and it is easy to work with. My surgury was a success but the symptoms never stopped.
I am using this topic to help myself. I want to find different ways to deal with the constant pain that I continue to have. I hope to find at least a few success stories during my research so I can try and help myself a little more than the doctors could. I know I cannot perform a miracle but maybe I can figure some of my issues out before too long. I have had this pain for long enough and I am only eighteen. I hope I do not have to deal with this agonizing pain for life like the doctors have told me. Maybe I can even find people to talk with about my birth defect and maybe even try to help people by telling them how I dealt with the surgury and the rehab after.
What I can tell you off the top of my head about Chiari Malformation is not a lot. I never wanted to look into it because I was afraid of finding out information that would tell me I am stuck like this forever. So far what I have gathered for information in my head is that Chiari Malformation is a birth defect where your brain stems are too long or fat and block the top of your spinal column. The pressure on your brain and spine causes damage by expanding and pushing pressure onto your nerves throughout your body. The pressure usually starts on one side of your body and if it gets bad enough the pain will travel throughout the entire body. Even if you wait too long your entire body can paralyze. There are many different symptoms and everyone can have a different story. Some people have blurred vision and cannot walk in a straight line. When I first learned about this realized that I had a lot of the same symptoms that were never diagnosed. I thought it was my medication. I know the surgury doesn't always work. About eighty percent of the operations for decompressing the brain are likely to result in a complete recovery. Chiari malformation is common enough that there is a doctor for the surgury in Portland, Maine. I thought I was going to have to go to Boston because I had never heard of the condition I have.
As I read up on Chiari Malformation I looked throgh a lot of different Websites. I found a lot of success stories and a few unsuccessful ones. There are many charities you can donate to so there can be more research done and hopefully a new more reliable surgury will be discovered. It was somewhat depressing reading about how all the patients were 100 percent recovered and realizing that I wouls never be one of those people. In some cases I felt like the lucky one because my symptoms did not get as bad as losing my ability to walk and drive and function. I have always had functioning in my arm not without pain but at least I am not bedridden.

i search

2005-03-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

I officially hate this assignment, not because its hard or anything because it is not. this internet thing is not working out for me. I just wrote over half my paper because i am behind in this class and i tried using the spell check and the entire thing deleted! I don't have a computer or internet because this damn comfort inn likes to make life as difficult as possible for me and all the students here. I am not happy with myself because i know i can do better in this class but the internet is not for me. I am too poor to buy a computer small enough to fit in my room and buy internet for outragous prices. I go to the library but i always end up stuck beside some moldy milk smelling computer geek and i bail out early not finishing my homework. I am working on this project and everything else but it doesn't look like i am trying too hard. I wasn't in class yesterday because my grandfather died and i didn't have the ambition to get up. I also had no voice and an extremly clogged nose. I will be in class tomorrow but i doubt this will even make it to my account...everything always gets erased. I am trying!

writing my essay

2005-03-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

I had no idea what I was going to write for my essay until Mr. Goldfine told me to write about something that irritated me. I knew right away that I was going to write about the torture I go through everytime i eat at the cafeteria. I had no problem writing this paper because i knew exactly what drove me nuts about the chow. The only problem was that when I had to make a conclusion i think thats the only thing i need to work on for that type of essay.

Prompt March 8

2005-03-08T02:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my grandfather died after being in the hospital for a week. He was really there two weeks because my grandmother was there the week before this one. He waited up three days striaght with out sleep and on the day my grandmother was supposed to leave with my grandfather, he was gone. He had left at like 6am and didn't tell anyone that he was headed back to swans island. He fell asleep 15 minutes before reaching the ferry boat in Bass Harbor, but it was bhind the wheel. Thank god no one else was hurt but that accident cost my grandfathers life and i am feeling incredibly guilty for not visiting him earlier. I was waiting for my mother and brother to go with me but they never had time. I should have known he was going to die because it feels like 80% of my friends and family have died within the past 5 years. Life is not worth worrying about nonstop so i was not concerned when my grandfather was still in the hospital, my family told me that he was stable and he was going to better asap. Last time i listen to someone when my gut is telling me something else.

why i am writing

2005-03-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

The reason why i chose Chiari Malformation for my i search topic is because i have dealt with it's symptoms since i was in 6th grade. I never knew what it was until i was in my second year of highschool, the same time the doctors found out what was bothering me. I know many other people have had this same problem as me so i know there is more information out there. I want to figure out more solutions to the problem i have. Maybe there are stories of success after the surgury i had but i sure know that my story was no success. I want to know how other people deal with the pain that i constantly have hanging over my back. I know the doctors are not helping me other than feeding me with medication and delays so hopefully i can help myself with this problem.

cause essay first finished draft

2005-02-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

Greasy, mushy, and sometimes slimy. The school food never turns my stomach to hunger. I sometimes try to convince myself that I am not hungry just so I don't get the energy up to drive over to the cafeteria and be disappointed by the junk the cooks serve us. We are not in jail so why feed us like we are. The first day I ate at the school I was excited for the pizza. It was golden and melted just how I like it, there was nothing else on my plate until I took a bite of that grease soaked cheese pizza. When I experienced the school pizza my mouth felt like the tiny bite I took left a trail of slime in my mouth like a slug leaves a trail on our deck in the summer. I have neglected that pizza since. The feeling of the thick clammy residue makes me careful and selective of what I choose to eat. As you have read these are the reasons why I try and avoid the school's toxic lunch, The texture of the food is usually plastic, the food is always coated with grease, and it's after taste is unbearable.Why do I say the food has the texture of plastic? Maybe because I ate the noodles from the salad bar. They do not taste that way every day but because I ate them the day they were cooked to feel like I was chewing on plastic I don't want to eat them again. The noodles had pepperoni and olives that just made the pasta more greasy. Some people may think that it makes the food taste better but all I could taste was the oversoaked noodles in italian dressing. The film that clings to the outside of each noodle stuck to the roof of my mouth. Sticking to another dish would be for the best.Another problem with the kitchen's menu is that all the food is dripping with grease. The french fries look good to me but the second you put those fries on the plate, a small puddle of grease forms around the edge of each fry. I would only feel comfortable eating those fries if my eyes were shut. Still feeling the soggy fries in my mouth makes me feel like vomiting thinking about it. Every fast food place has soggy grease cooked fries, so why complain now?The number one reason I don't allow myself to eat at the cafeteria is because the food there has a specific aftertaste that puts a bitter flavor in your mouth. Some of the sweets that I shouldn't be eating anyways have that bitter aftertaste. I have heard plenty of rumors that the cooks who make the desserts load them up with ex-lax. To think that you are eating laxatives kind of freaks me out, why would you want people to feed you the crapper medicine. When my RA told me the rumors of why the desserts have such a destinctive taste it was the last time I ate those good looking but nasty sweets.
I know better than to expect a healthy home cooked tasting meal from the cafeteria now. Ever since I tested the chicken burger once. It looked like chicken and it felt like I was chewing on chicken when I took a big bite. The only problem with that chicken is that it tasted like I had grabbed a hamburger by mistake. I checked the wrapper and it said "Chicken" on the side. There is always some funny taste to the food because it is so instant, There is no sugar coating and it definitley leaves my stomach with a heavy build up of regret, it always feels like it is saying "I shouldn't have eaten that!" It was really talking to me that night. Even the sauce gave it a taste like it was a rubber cheeseburger with all the works. No way could I escape the taste of that meal no matter how hard I try forgetting it. Sitting here writing about that plastic food makes me queasy and hesitant to enter that kitchen

Cause intro 2

2005-02-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

"Is this chicken really supposed to taste like a hamburger?" That was the first thing I said after biting into my chicken burger. When I eat I usually like my food to taste like the actual dish that is in front of my face. When food doesn't match like that you got to know that the food must have ventured from the school. The "Homebaked Deserts" are not always so carefully made. There is a rumor going around that the brownies and cookies have a booby trap of laxative deliciousness baked in. When you hear that from your own RA you know something is not right. When your french fries drip with grease and your hamburger is greyish pink in the center you know you should ask if it is safe to eat. Three things you should do before you pick anything up out of the kitchen is try to examine the outside for discoloration, check the grease content and make sure the food you eat tastes like it looks.

Questions

2005-02-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

Questions I have on Chiari Malformation,
I want to know how long it takes after other people's surguries until they are feeling back to normal. I know I am still feeling pain after three, almost four years...I want to know if it takes multiple years for other people and if it ever stops. I am sick of waiting around and not getting any answers. I wonder if I am one of the few that has the pain for the rest of my life. I want to know if taking so many pills daily is going to make me feel worse. Hopefully researching this topic and maybe talking to other people that are in my same situation can help.

Freestyle 2 Another car accident

2005-02-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

You would think after five people died from car accidents from my school that the kids would smarten up and drive cautiously. The roads of Mount Desert Island are not the most safe ones in Maine. It was two years ago this May 23 that my friend jeff was driving on Whitney Farm Road in Somesville, Maine (which is a small town on MDI). Not only was jeff in the little red Volvo but also the most fun guy you would ever meet from Southwest Harbor, Michael Clinton Chernosky. Clint was the one not buckled up and he was thrown from the front to backseat. His neck snapped and he died immediatley. Jeff has to live with this the rest of his life. I still love him even though i hate that clint died. Clint had a cocky but fun additude, he was always getting in trouble for skipping class or leaving school to smoke. Even that made everyone love him more, he was not afraid. Because we have flaws doesn't make us bad people, Clint definitley had few flaws so he was an awesome person. He was the best junior basketball player and was always my favorite to watch. Hanging out was even better. He and Jeff even made a few trips out to my island,(Swan's Island). He always would joke and lighten the mood. Every girl who doesn't get mad at vulgar names and a joking additude had a crush on him. He made my highschool bearable even when I had already lost five friends in three years. I have tried blocking out the bad times without Clint but it is hard to deal with, I never realized how much I loved him until he died in that accident. I wish I could have spent more time with him but there is no turning back to that now. I have come to realize life sucks when everyone dies and it is something I cannot control, so all you can do is take a hold of life and bear it. No one who knew Clint will ever forget him, there is not one day that goes by and I don't think of him. Clint always told me to do whatever I want, i understand now because I see life is not long enough to put off all the things you crave out of life.

28 days Later..freestyle 1

2005-02-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

It was July 22 2001, around 6 a.m. I hear a gunshot, it jumps me but I am still 80% asleep. I just thought it was Daniel a boy who lived up the road from my friend Jen. Daniel likes to take the toys he got after his car accident and shoot them with the new guns he recieved from his father. I think it over for a minute and then lay back down into my sleeping bag. My best friends growing up are with me, Lacey, Jen and Christie. We spent the entire summer camping in random spots on Swan's Island. Thank god we chose Jen's field this time.
I fall back asleep and wake up at 7 to go to work. That year i was babysitting some kids who had just moved back from Thailand. I spent a long day with them but it is never too bad. I was just excited to get out of work to run back over to Jen's and watch "Revenge of the Nerds." That was our movie of the summer we watched it after i got out of work and after Lacey's soap operas were over. I spent the evening with them and we ate a ton of junk food, without the guilt because none of us cared about being healthy then. For some odd reason after we had eaten i felt like going home for the night.
I got a ride home because it was before my days with a license. My mother and my middle older brother were in Mattappoiset,Mass and were going to come home four days later not only to miss my birthday but also to miss the last few days my cousin and his wife of 28 days were alive. That gunshot I heard was not Daniel. My brother was upstairs in his loft/bedroom and my dad was still out on the boat getting his traps hauled. Then the phone rang, so i picked it up said hello and listened...
" Hello Jackie?, I am glad I caught you. This is Billy Banks and I am sorry to tell you this but a worker of Jim Bear just found Jamie and he was down over the rocks at the lighthouse. He had shot himself earlier this morning I am sorry to say but he is dead. We are pulling him up and we cannot find Stacey right now. Claire Dziezyk is on her way over to their place to see if she is there. I am so sorry but could you get a hold of Stevie? We can't get a hold of him and Jimmy wants him to know."
My jaw dropped, what is going on? How could this happen? Why would he shoot himself? Hey wait a minute I am not Jackie, who am i talking to? Am i dreaming again? I couldn't speak for a second until Billy continued to say my mother's name to me asking if Jackie was alright. All i could say was, "Ummm this is not Jackie this is Heather... my mom has been in Massachusetts for a week."
I knew He felt like an idiot for blurting out that my only sane first cousin had shot himself in the face. I was turning fifteeen two days later and my cousin is found on the rocky ledges under the lighthouse. I didn't start showing any emotion until after Billy had apoligized and hung up. I remember walking to the doorway to the sunroom and loft and yelling up to my oldest brother Ben that his best friend had died. I hated myself for doing that because some middle aged man had just done the same thing to me. My brother didn't really understand so he called my dad.
My brother found me in my room hidden on my bed. I had some crazy idea of putting the top end of my bed into the closet so if someone came into my room they couln't see me right away. I thought no one would find me but I didn't think anyone would be looking for me. I knew Ben had been on the phone for a while so I was sure he had something bad to tell me, so i just looked at him.
" Um i guess Jamie stabbed Stacey and killed her then drove right to the lighthouse and shot himself in the face with a shotgun. There were notes lying around the house implying that they were in a constant fight, but i never thought Jamie would kill anyone, Heather you know when he gets mad he will go home or in a quiet room and read a book. I don't understand this I guess dad is not going to call mom so she doesn't have to worry about coming home quickly or anything. There is nothing she can do anyways. Heather I am sorry I feel so sorry for ignoring Jamie lately. Damn it! Fuck! What the Fuck! Jamie can't turn a shotgun around and shoot himself in the face he can't reach the trigger!"
My brother started crying and I just stared out the window. I didn't cry until i was alone. My father went to the lighthouse when they were trying to get Jamie up out off the cliffs. His body already had sea fleas on them and the men had trouble getting him up because he was so waterlogged. My dad went down to help but Lacey's (one of my best friends) dad told him to go home and when my dad told me this he started crying. I have never before seen Ben or my dad cry until that day. You never know when you are going to lose anyone, I think of all the people I have lost in the past five years and list keeps building up. I am sick of it and would rather have myself go before anyone else but I know I am not that lucky so I try and tell my loved ones they are loved and try to forget the summer my family and myself forgot my own birthday. All we could think of was the unapproved wedding my cousin and Stacey had just had 28 days before. My Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Sue were disgusted by the wedding and didn't want Jamie to marry Stacey.They had to tie the knot and sadly it was cut loose soon after.

What i know about my I Search topic...

2005-02-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

"What is Chiari Malformation?,"I asked my new doctor in Portland.
All I can remember was the rush of anger that was running through my veins. I had been going to my doctor in Blue Hill and my two new doctors from Ellsworth and Brewer for over six years and they never could find a thing wrong with me. I knew it was more than a bone bruise or a body cold. How stupid I had felt after I visited a real doctor, I should have known that a person from around my hometown would have to travel up to three hours to get real help.
After the third set of MRI's in Blue Hill I had to travel back to the doctors in Portland to break the news to me that I had Chiari Malformation and a slight case of Scoliosis.
" So what's wrong with me?" I asked again after he had explained it through one time.
As I sat and took it all in I realized that surgury was a necessary thing. I had to go through with it so I new it was no point in worrying.
All I could think was, "It's not going to work, all because it took so long for anyone to notice what was so defective in my system."
Around three weeks after the doctors told me what was up it finally sunk in..."I need surgury, brain surgury...holy shit cool I have never even broken a bone!" I didn't speak as much as usual surprisingly. All that went on with me was a race of thoughts every day running through my head over and over again, "I am going to get some good drugs with this!"
Around this time in my life I was past the heavy drinking and had alrady smoked plenty of chronic and I was a sophmore in highschool. Doing all this was my excuse for drowning out the pain in my left arm,shoulder blade, left side of my neck and up into the deep back part of my skull. I had been on narcotics for a little over a year because the doctors back home felt bad that they couldn't help me so they decided to drug me up instead. I remember I had a month off from school and I was tickled pink.
I went through the surgury fine and I was in killer pain for the entire "vacation." When i got back no one even noticed I had been missing for three weeks not including the infamous spring break. A few of my close friends even forgot.I wish I could have forgotten the entire process but it is clear as day in my memory..(surprisingly). The question I got from most people in the school was,
" So I hear you were sick or something, feeling better?" Sadly the answer was always no.
One day I decided to really understand what went wrong with my brain so i had my mom slowly explain it to me. First thing I hear is,
" Heather, you are a defect baby."
"Wonderful."Just awesome I am the official retard of the family. It turns out Chiari Malformation is an unusual growth of the brain stems. My brain stems grew so big that they clogged up my spinal column and my spine had been filling with spinal fluid. this caused my spine to expand and grow larger than it should have been. When that happened my spine decided to pinch and sever some nerves on my left shoulder and arm. That's where all the shooting pain had been coming from, oh and the numbness of my limbs. I could be touching a boiling hot pan in certain parts of my left arm and I couldn't feel a thing,(all that would happen would be my skin sizzling off the pan). I was thankful to find this out because if I had waited about another year my right side would start numbing and five years after that my body would have been on the verge of being paralized.
When the doctors cut my skull open they were planning to make a pocket that opened up my spinal column to release the fluid that had been building up for years. They used a peice of a calves heart because of it's leathery texture and ability to stretch. I was kind of grossed out that I am part cow now but whatever no harm done. The surgury left a scar and stopped my spine from getting bigger. It shrunk over time but it really made me shrink I am now an inch shorter.Yeah I am five feet tall.
The surgury went well they accomplished everything but one thing...the pain. I still take medication three times a day and they say I will be on it for the rest of my life. What I want to do is find out other people who had the same surgury and see the final result. I get a lot of migranes now but my spine is not full of spinal fluid anymore. Hopefully i can find out how other people deal with this problem and maybe I can find out some answers that can improve my pain management.

The Desk

2005-02-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

Party animal. That is what this girl is. The shot glassess are still sticky from the night before and probably from early this morning. She has unpaid bills but she has the money to pay for them but would rather use her money to buy the more important things in life. She is going on a cruise and is pumped to drink seeing the cruise lets you drink if you are at least eighteen. The scattered items are just there because her computer desk is like her drop off. Everything there is not there for long because after she unwinds from the busy school day she will put all her crap away in their designated spots. This girl is not messy she just likes to do her to do list on her own time. She is independant and doesn't need anyone to keep her organized.

Unique Person

2005-02-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

The most unique person in my life right now is one of my buddies from Florida. The first time I met him I was spending the night at my friend Whitney's house. I was trying to sleep and the girls there already were. We were pig piled on a metal futon in the dark bedroom and all of a sudden the bedroom door swings open and a body lands in the middle of us. I jumped up and turned the light on and it was a dude, some guy I had never seen before in my life. After the girls were up from their rude awakening I was told that he was one of the girl's ex-boyfriends. This guy stayed until daylight even though Whitney's mother was asleep down the hall. I was confused on who this strange dude was and where he came from. I have stayed in touch with him even though strangley I am no longer friends with any of the girls that were there that night. I have grown close with this guy but I am still finding new things out about him everytime we converse. I have known him for over four years now and last night I found out that he is moving from a three story house his parents built in orlando to a small apartment in Miami. Which is weird because he is a bartender at Disney and he just got the job a week ago. About every month he will take a trip to Puerto Rico or Brazil and once in a great while he will come back without notice for a pleasant surprise. Always finding things out about someone can be a good thing or a bad thing. In this case it is good because it keeps me interested and not bored with him. Always good to have a friend like that.

I search topic

2005-02-04T05:01:00.000-08:00

I- search

When I heard we were doing an i search paper i knew what would be the easiest topic for me. I want to research the Chiari Malformation, mainly because I have it. It would be nice to find out information and success stories because I know my story with it is no success. I want to learn about the different surguries and the different types of therapy. I didn't get help for my Chiari Malformation until six years after I saw symptoms. I of course was in sixth grade when it started and I had no idea what was wrong with me, along with all the doctors from Blue Hill Memorial, Ellsworth hospital, Bangor or Brewer. Finally I went to Portland and they figured out one of my major flaws, having an inflamed spine and slight scoliosis. The cause of this was having too much pressure on my brain. I know I had brain surgury to try and fix this, it worked but there was permanent damage in result of waiting so long to get the surgury done. "Six years with a flaming pressure on my brian and nerves doesn't go away with a surgury". At least that is what I was told before and after the doctors operated. I am now on two different medications for the pain that I have to take three times a day. If I skip a dose I know I will pay for it later in the day. I want to see how other people with my problem have dealt with their whole situation. So I am gung ho for this topic, I am sure I will find plenty of information just not sure if I will like what I find but it is worth a try.

The Thing

2005-01-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

It has a big boxy structure that is white with a reflective blue stripe. It is an old telephone van that my father bought from the telephone company he works for. Even though it is full of rust spots that crawl on the underside of the body the entire vehicle only costed fifty dollars. The van used to have more unique characteristics when the cage was still separating the front from the back and when the rusty toolbox was taking up most the space in the back. The seat was not even bolted down until last month when my father removed the cage and toolbox. Now instead of having the cage blocking my rear view I hung my beaded curtains that reflect off blacklights. It makes it a lot easier to see out the back window now that there is access to the back. I am waiting to have time to go home and get it inspected...there is a lot of rust and I am hoping the inspector will take it easy on the old Astro.

Course Problems

2005-01-31T13:07:00.000-08:00

I am kind of sort of having course problems, mainly because of the internet and computers. I do not have the internet in the comfort inn and my computer is no longer there because it was one of the ancient Compaq computers and its size took over.I get backtracked because i am so caught up in everything in my schedule. I forget to do all the different little assignments I am now working on catching up because my math class was cancelled and I now can get some work done. I am pretty good at getting everything done so in time everything will be done and the stress will go with it. I think this course will be pretty easygoing and not out of control I usually like english class so I am not to worried about failing.

Me

2005-01-31T08:45:00.000-08:00

Whats unique about me? Nothing special i would have to say. I am left handed and that is half the problem. I have nerve damage in my left hand and the pain goes all the way from my left shoulder blade up through my neck and all the way down my arm. I have been on medication since i was a sophomore in highschool and still currently am. I survived brain surgury in which the nerve damage originated from. I was never babied for being the youngest or for being the only girl. I was not treated anymore special than my two older brothers until my mother found out o needed the brain surgury. Since then she has tried finding ways to try and make the permanent pain go away which does turn into treating me like I am going to break. All my friends from back home are all aware of my arm pain and it is how some people know who i am. I only saw some kids at school when i went into the nurse's office to take one of the three daily doseages of pain killers. Maybe someday all the pain will go away and take away some of the unforgettable memories of numbing pain I have suffered with since sixth grade.

Inventory of the Desk

2005-01-30T13:16:00.000-08:00

Christy's Desk
Two Shot Glassess
One with red hibiscus flowers
One with Tequila shot ryhme
One lap top computer
One lint brush
One lamp with red white and blue bulbs
Red glitter lamp
Three key chains
Five envelopes
Twenty elastics
One highlighter
Purple comb
One pen
One gatorade cap
Credit cards and bank cards (large variety)
Stack of computer paper
Adelphia bill
Junk mail
Paper clip

Writing Prompt One

2005-01-28T21:22:00.000-08:00

Alone in a quiet room, but what's really happening?

The television is on mute and only a few lights are on. I have the curtains shut and pinched closed with a clip so little light can get in. That way it is always dark out when you're in my room, it makes it easier to sleep longer. I always have class earlier than my roomate so she stays up later and doesn't want to wake up when i do. Hilary my roomate likes to cover her entire body (including her head) with her new featherbed comforter and fleece arizona blanket to muffle the noise of the shower that 's usually cold if i don't take it early in the day. So by not making my bedroom noisy before my first class i can come back an hour later and crawl back into my dark bedroom and sleep a few more hours. Not disturbing the sleep mode in my room pays off. The torture of watching my roomate snooze while i prepare to go outside in the freezing weather makes me jealous until i come back from class and fall asleep to the tick of my roomate's James Dean classic collectible clock.

Response to another Blog

2005-01-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

You have got to love a claimed to be true love story.Especially when people you do not know, claim to be so happy and perfect. When i went searching for other interesting blogs the one that caught my eye was a story of a man who was planning on proposing to his girlfriend of three years. He was taking her to orlando on their three year anniversary. He put a lot of heart into it and went to a lot of trouble to make it work.I love to hate them because my life is anything but romantic. It is not like i want a sappy relationship, but it would be nice to have some sort of idea what these people are talking about. At the end of the entry she said yes and it was another happy ending. What i would give to get a happy ending, but that is a rare occasion in my life. So I will continue to read these stories and be content with being jealous.

Worst Teacher Graf

2005-01-21T05:43:00.000-08:00

I was only a junior but in my last math class of high school because if i only needed three math credits then that is what i would be taking...no extra points for me. It was in algebra two and i was thinking i knew how to do the material. That was until i met John Guidi. It was his first year at Mount Desert Island High School and no one i knew liked him. I didn't think he was going to be as bad as everyone had warned me but i learned quickly. He was as goofy as a cartoon character and his breath! It was like breathing in microwaved fishsticks and rotten underwear.He always had white chunks of dried mucus that gathered at the corners of his large mouth. He later explained that it was a medical condition and made me feel like a low life for being so rude and childish. As the course ticked by at the speed of the last few minutes of a school day i soon realized why his previous students failed or just barely passed his classes. He accomplished making addition difficult and making me rather have a four hour saturday detention than going to class (I never go one but I would much rather sit in silence for stacked hours than listen to him for eighty minutes). After one semester with him i never wanted to take another math class again. So i didn't take a math class until i got to this school. I enjoy relearning everything again but i still cringe at the thought of having Mr. John Guidi once again. In the back of my mind i am nervous to have a teacher like him once again.

Hands Graf

2005-01-21T05:33:00.000-08:00

My hands are nothing pretty to look at. Dry, cracked, white and full of hangnails. I use my hands to do everything seeing i have both i wont take them for granted. During the past two rainy summers i have worked as a dedicated landscaper. My hands don't get the royal treatment ever so when u see my hands it's no different than what they looked like yesterday. I only go to school while the long winters pass and skip out on the laboring jobs of summer. So the only excuse i have of the condition my hands are in is the cold and dry weather. Maybe if everyone took the time to quench and heal their skin, life would be a little more easier to bear. Who wants bleeding fingernails and cracked knuckles anyways?